F5 - AI's CharlieBot & Bourdais Team Up to Trash Delgado

NOGARORING - From the start of qualifying, you knew it could potentially be a miserable day for MRD-Simtek. Tom Delgado crashed his #37 MTV Simtek off of pit road attempting his qualification lap, and then on lap 7, Delgado spun off the track and could not get out of the grass, forcing him to get towed and lose 2 laps in the process. He came back out after repairs, thinking about trying to make it to the end on one stop. Unfortunately that same lap, he was tagged from behind by CharlieBot, then on lap 8 he was punted off the track by Sebastian Bourdais, ending his day with engine damage. Thus Tom Delgado gets his 2nd last place finish of the season, and his 3rd last place finish of his Formula 5 career.

THE BOTTOM TEN
--------------
25. #37 Tom Delgado - 8 laps - Crash
24. #99 Ben Atkins - 9 laps - Crash
23. #0 GnarlyBot (AI) - 10 laps - Crash
22. #8 FJ Balcon (AI) - 11 laps - Running
21. #30 Chris Wetz - 13 laps - Crash
20. #6 Eric Wright - 15 laps - "Mother"
19. #3 Andrew Missile - 16 laps - Running
18. #2 Goosh Goosh - 16 laps - Running
17. #07 Chaz Michael Michaels - 18 laps - Running
16. #30 Takuma Sato (AI) - 18 laps - Running

FORMULA 5 LAST PLACE STANDINGS - DRIVER
-----------------
1. Tom Delgado (2)
2. Barton Sandy, Matt Brinson, Tom Delgado, Matthew Contey, Michael Madrigal, Chaz Michael Michaels (1)

FORMULA 5 LAST PLACE STANDINGS - TEAM
-----------------
1. MRD-Simtek (3)
2. Bots (2)
3. Kensethfan Racing, SpeedSOS Motorsports, Sandy/Thunder Racing (1)

NEXT RACE: New Lenox Grand Prix @ Chicagoland (9/23)

Trucks - Delgado's Leg Cramps, Forced to Retire

CHARLOTTE, NC - Tom Delgado had a very rough night in his #17 Tide truck. From the beginning of practice, Delgado was having cramping issues in his right leg and was not comfortable at the wheel at all. Eventually his cramping issues got the better of him and Delgado parked the truck on lap 10 of a scheduled 80, earning last place honors. Fortunately, with only ten trucks entering Saturday night's event, Delgado was guaranteed his first top 10 of the season.

Colin Stiles won the race which was for the most part uneventful.

THE BOTTOM FIVE
---------------
10. #17 Tom Delgado - 10 laps - Cramps
9. #07 Mike Rutana - 30 laps - "Russians"
8. #5 Josh Batista - 45 laps - "OH NO!"
7. #1 Ryan Griffin - 65 laps - "*airhorn*"
6. #47 Ben Atkins - 79 laps - Running

RETRO TRUCK SERIES - LAST PLACE STANDINGS - DRIVER

1. Barton Sandy, Chris Wetz, Cliff Raymond, Dan Mackay, Tom Delgado (1)

RETRO TRUCK SERIES - LAST PLACE STANDING - TEAM

1. Mopar Magic Racing (2)
2. Sandy/Thunder Racing, Troll Racing LLC, Independents (1)

NEXT RACE: Troll's Lair 150 @ Barrie Speedway

Cup - Mackay Quits Early, Server Quits Twice, 11th Through 13th Not Classified

WATKINS GLEN, NEW YORK - Dan Mackay scored his first last place of the season as he pulled a "start and park" on his unsponsored #81 Dodge. Mackay pulled into the pits after 2 of the 42 laps, citing the fact that he had troll stuff to do. Tom Delgado would fall out next in the #37 Namco Dodge for Mopar Magic Racing, crashing into a tirewall off the bus stop after 13 laps. This race will be remembered for the server going down twice, with perennial backmarker Mike Rutana in his final race before going off to Ohio State leading at both times of the server delays. Despite pleas from Rutana for officials to call the race, no such luck. Rutana would finish 8th and draw the ire of many on the track with his attitude after the race. Rutana defended his actions by claiming he was trying to win the race on strategy. Rumor is that Rutana will be parked for one race if he comes out of retirement.

THE BOTTOM FIVE
---------------
13. #81 Dan Mackay - 2 laps - "Troll"
12. #37 Tom Delgado - 13 laps - Crash
11. #91 Chris Jackson - 17 laps - Two Cautions
10. #61 Zach Duff - 23 laps - Crash
9. #20 Josh Batista - 26 laps - Damage

CUP LAST PLACE STANDINGS - DRIVER

1. Justin Lewis, Jacob Eichholtz, Dan Mackay (1)

CUP LAST PLACE STANDINGS - TEAM

1. Clockwork Racing, EichReau Motorsports, Macdonald Motorsports (1)

NEXT RACE: Tow Truck 175 @ Bristol

Rally - 4 Races, 4 Different Last Place Drivers

Four stages in one night. That was the test facing ISRAllycross Saturday night when they took on four stages of the Dakar Rally. In stage 1, Barton Sandy destroyed his #98 Repsol Impreza on the first of two laps. Stage 2 saw Tom Delgado decide to take his #24 Emirates Airlines Impreza to the beach, as he "start and park'ed" so that he could get a tan. Stage 3 made Josh Batista's #29 Puma Citroen cry as he failed to successfully cross the river. The final stage made Colin Stiles and his #49 Unsponsored Impreza wave the white flag in surrender. All in all, a grueling night of Rallycross was had, and the big winner of the night was Jacob Eichholtz, who won two of the races.

ISRAllycross Last Place Standings - Driver

1. Zach Duff, Cliff Raymond, Josh Batista (2)
2. Joe Branch, Tyler Putnam, Michael Madrigal, Colin Stiles, Tom Delgado, Barton Sandy (1)

ISRAllycross Last Place Standings - Team

1. Mopar Magic Racing (5)
2. Clockwork Racing, Branch-Mantup Inc. (2)
3. SpeedSOS Motorsports, Stiles-Brown Motorsports, Sandy/Thunder Racing (1)

NEXT RACE: Rally of Broken Bones @ ???

F5 - Lamy Causes Madness, Sandy Caught in Crosshairs

KARJALA - In a race marred by Pedro Lamy being one of the bigger wedges of Delecheese we've seen this season, Barton Sandy had his hopes for a good run ruined after just one lap of the scheduled 21 due to a header failure. Not surprisingly, Pedro Lamy was the culprit in causing the header failure on the #94, in a horrendous case of ARCA-braking. Later in the race, Colin Stiles would feel the wrath of Lamy. He would wreck Stiles on the straight and cause him to exit the race. Lamy would be called to the steward's office, where he was informed that 3 points would be taken from his championship total for "BEING AN ASS HOEL". This drops Lamy to 1 point on the season.

THE BOTTOM TEN
--------------
30. Barton Sandy - 1 lap - Lamy'd
29. F.J. Balcon (AI) - 1 lap - Crash
28. Andrew Missile (AI) - 1 lap - Crash
27. Mike Rutana - 3 laps - Crash
26. GnarlyBot (AI) - 3 laps - Ignition
25. Goosh Goosh (AI) - 4 laps - "GOOSH GOOSH GOOSH GOOSH GOOSH GOOSH"
24. Tom Delgado - 5 laps - Crash
23. Ben Atkins - 5 laps - Camshaft
22. Chazz Michael Michaels - 6 laps - Crash
21. Joe Branch - 6 laps - Crash

FORMULA 5 - LAST PLACE STANDINGS - DRIVERS
------------------------------------------
1. Barton Sandy, Matt Brinson, Tom Delgado, Matthew Contey, Michael Madrigal, Chaz Michael Michaels (1)

FORMULA 5 - LAST PLACE STANDINGS - TEAMS
---------------------------------------
1. MRD-Simtek, Bots (2)
2. Kensethfan Racing, SpeedSOS Motorsports, Sandy/Thunder Racing (1)

NEXT RACE: Nogaro Grand Prix

Cup - Irene Leaves Mark on Daytona, Chicagoland Madness Forces Race Control to Call Race After 70 Laps

DAYTONA BOTTOM FIVE
--------------------
16. #16 Justin Lewis - 56 laps - "I sure do love Leela"
15. #65 Jacob Eichholtz - 65 laps - Puncture
14. #01 Michael Madrigal - 68 laps - Running
13. #07 Mike Rutana - 68 laps - Running
12. #4 Ryan Griffin - 68 laps - Running

CHICAGOLAND BOTTOM THREE
------------------------
8. #65 Jacob Eichholtz - 15 laps - "Eisenholtz..."
7. #88 Joe Branch - 29 laps - "Die"
6. #78 Tyler Putnam - 32 laps - "Mantups Mantups Swimming in the Ocean, Causing a Commotion..."

CUP LAST PLACE STANDINGS - DRIVER

1. Justin Lewis, Jacob Eichholtz (1)

CUP LAST PLACE STANDINGS - TEAM

1. Clockwork Racing, EichReau Motorsports (1)

NEXT RACE: ISRA New York Challenge @ Watkins Glen (9/11)

Rallycross - Duff Gets High & Madrigal Sees an Oasis at Mirage, Duff and Joe Branch get Stuck in the Quarry

MIRAGE BOTTOM 5 (RACE 1)
------------------------
15. UNKNOWN (will not be credited with last)
14. #36 Zach Duff - 0 laps - Crash
13. #98 Barton Sandy - 1 lap - Crash
12. #50 Justin Lewis - 1 lap - "ROCKY FUCKING RICKABY!"
11. #7 Joe Branch - 3 laps - Crash

MIRAGE BOTTOM 5 (RACE 2)
------------------------
16. #808 Michael Madrigal - 5 laps - "WHY AM I ALWAYS DOING BARREL ROLLS?"
15. #38 Matt Brinson - 8 laps - Crash
14. #0 Chris Jackson - 10 laps - Running
13. #34 Chris Wetz - 10 laps - "I DIDN'T WIN, SO IT WAS AN INSIDE JOB!"
12. #24 Tom Delgado - 11 laps - "Do a barrel lol"

QUARRY BOTTOM 3 (RACE 1)
------------------------
6. #36 Zach Duff - 1 lap - Crash
5. #808 Michael Madrigal - 4 laps - Crash
4. #38 Matt Brinson - 4 laps - "I was just chillin', waiting for Duff and Madrigal to fail so I can get a point and park!"

Due to extreme circumstances (only 6 cars in race 1), LASTCAR point will not be awarded for that race)

QUARRY BOTTOM 5 (RACE 2)
------------------------
10. #7 Joe Branch - 1 lap - Crash
9. #33 Ben Atkins - 2 laps - Crash
8. #72 Cliff Raymond - 3 laps - "KENNEDY"
7. #38 Matt Brinson - 5 laps - Running
6. #36 Zach Duff - 5 laps - Crash

ISRAllycross Last Place Standings - Driver

1. Zach Duff, Cliff Raymond (2)
2. Josh Batista, Joe Branch, Tyler Putnam, Michael Madrigal (1)

ISRAllycross Last Place Standings - Team

1. Mopar Magic Racing (3)
2. Clockwork Racing, Branch-Mantup Inc. (2)
3. SpeedSOS Motorsports (1)

NEXT RACES: Dakar Madness

Retro Trucks - Mackay Parks for Canada at Iowa, Raymond Encounters Camshaft Failure at Portland

IOWA BOTTOM FIVE
----------------
11. #4 Dan Mackay - 4 laps - "SAVE MORE MONEY AT RICERZONE"
10. #19 Tyler Putnam - 27 laps - Emotionless...
9. #08 Zach Duff - 51 laps - Gearbox
8. #5 Josh Batista - 111 laps - "This damn dog is such a coward"
7. #47 Ben Atkins - 125 laps - "Really bad strategy means old tires..."

PORTLAND BOTTOM FIVE
--------------------
10. #2 Cliff Raymond - 9 laps - Camshaft
9. #07 Mike Rutana - 15 laps - Crash
8. #4 Dan Mackay - 23 laps - Disqualified for causing incident with leaders
7. #04 Ian Cooper - 24 laps - Suicided into pit wall
6. #5 Josh Batista - 29 laps - "Everytime there's a NASCAR race on, TSN2 is always ahead"

RETRO TRUCK SERIES - LAST PLACE STANDINGS - DRIVER

1. Barton Sandy, Chris Wetz, Cliff Raymond, Dan Mackay (1)

RETRO TRUCK SERIES - LAST PLACE STANDING - TEAM

1. Mopar Magic Racing, Sandy/Thunder Racing, Troll Racing LLC, Independents (1)

NEXT RACE: Rence Brown Muzzle Association 100 @ Lowe's Motor Speedway (9/10)

(DOUBLE ARTICLE) Formula 5 - Michaels & Jackson Tangle at Magny-Cours, Madrigal Falls Out of Phoenix First

No write-ups for Magny-Cours and Phoenix due to not remembering what happened, but here are your bottom 10 for Magny-Cours and bottom 5 for Phoenix. I apologize for getting these up late, but life sucks and I need to deal with life first. Umad bro?

Also, a note to make. If no reason is given for retiring from race, I will make one up. It will either be funny, or in really bad taste. Basically if I don't see a reason, trolling will occur.

MAGNY-COURS BOTTOM TEN
----------------------
28. #07 Chaz Michael Michaels (AI) - 2 laps - Crash
27. #91 Chris Jackson - 2 laps - Crash
26. #3 Andrew Missile (AI) - 3 laps - Crash
25. #666 Doom-O (AI) - 3 laps - Crash
24. #4 Ian Cooper - 3 laps - Crash
23. #0 GnarlyBot (AI) - 5 laps - "I was gonna run the race, but then I got high..."
22. #18 Kelly Blackwater (AI) - 5 laps - Crash
21. #55 Pedro Lamy (AI) - 6 laps - "Forgot to drink his Red Bull today"
20. #11 Ryan Griffin - 6 laps - Crash
19. #8 F.J. Balcon (AI) - 8 laps - Running (Really slowly...)

PHOENIX BOTTOM FIVE
-------------------
17. #29 Michael Madrigal - 3 laps - "Stupid Itashas..."
16. #37 Tom Delgado - 28 laps - "Body cramps from being a fat man in a small car"
15. #10 Colin Stiles - 31 laps - "I'm gonna go play Madden '12..."
14. #5 Josh Batista - 39 laps - "Cristiano Ronaldo you cunt!"
13. #21 Justin Lewis - 60 laps - Crash

FORMULA FIVE - LAST PLACE STANDINGS - DRIVERS

1. GnarlyBot, Matt Brinson, Tom Delgado, Matthew Contey, Michael Madrigal, Chaz Michael Michaels (1)

FORMULA FIVE - LAST PLACE STANDINGS - TEAMS

1. MRD-Simtek, Bots (2)
2. Kensethfan Racing, SpeedSOS Motorsports (1)

NEXT RACE: Karjala Grand Prix (9/9)